My Dearest Mama.

My dearest Mama,
Thank you. Thank you for all you do, for who you are.
Thank you for taking care of me.
Thank you for making an unmeasurable number of diners/lunch's in my lifetime.
Thank you for decorating the house every year for Christmas (and letting me help:)
Thank you for all the work you do to host our family Christmas party's over the years.
Thank you for choosing to homeschool us kids, giving us so many opportunity.
Thank you for hauling me around to my barn jobs when I was 13/14, and thank you for not thinking me out of my mind trying to get a "Job" that young.
Thank you for always being there for me to bounce some crazy idea off off.
Thank you for listening to me talk endlessly about horses.
Thank you for sticking with me through the phase in my life where I never shut up.
Thank you for constantly setting an example of a Godly wife and mother.
Thank you for letting me go to camp with Dad when I was 6, even though you were not happy about letting me go that young.
Thank you for supporting me in my camper years, my TE years, and my CILT year.
Thank you for helping me through Drivers Ed. and not panicking when your 15 year old daughter got behind the wheel for the first time.
Thank you for watching all of heartland with me:)
Thank you for giving me a shoulder to cry on.
Thank you for putting up with me through these teenage years.
Thank you for watching cheesy Christmas Hallmark movies with me:)
I love you,
~KayK

"Life update."

Life has been a bit crazy, I never knew that being 16 meant I would have so many decisions to make, and for those of you who don't know me, I do not make decisions well. At all.
I became stressed, real stressed. Mostly about school, and work, and no social life, and I didn't have anytime for anything I really wanted to do.
I kept saying, "I don't want to sell my soul to school" (referring to College.) I kept fighting this small inner voice telling me to slow down.
I can't. I'd tell myself. I have to graduate this year. I have to make the goal that I set. 
I prayed about it, but even when I thought about waiting a year to graduate, it still killed me. I have to graduate this year. Was all that went through my head for most of October.
I'm not sure when I finally "gave in", when I realized that I was "Selling my soul to school" even just in high school. Could I graduate this year? Yes. But that would be with a lot of stress, and I honestly don't want to start college next year. (stay tuned for what I decide to do with that...)
So, as I assume you all know by now, I've decided not to graduate this year, at least officially. I'm going to take time to do things like write, and scrapbook, do school, hopefully get a job, and almost most importantly continue my work with horses. For now, I am taking things one step at a time and following God as best I can and trust him with my future.
So, there you have it. A small update on the crazy world of Kaylee. Feel free to message or E-mail me if you want to catch up more! (Ps.shoutout to My sister and friends for letting me rant and giving me advice and helping me make this semi-big decision, yall are the best:)
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lords.
He is like a tree planted by water,
that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit." (Jeremiah 17:7-8)

I need Jesus.

It's been a while...
It feels as if I got back from camp and was immediately thrown back  into life, schedules, stress, deadlines, requirements...
But here I am! alive and well and ready to blog!

I learned a thing or two at camp this summer.. (Or three, or four..) but one thing has really stuck with me: I.Need.Jesus.
I'd been running around all summer, trying to do everything, trying to meet peoples expectations and requirements. I had a lot to do, anything from learning how to be a staff member, to working with horses, to doing dishes, I was constantly busy and at times in over my head.
During a good amount of these times, I kept thinking "I need this done in order for me to get this done" or "If only I could have this person here with me to help" or "If I could just have a hug from this person..." All of these thoughts that had to do with earthly things and people.

One night, I was walking all the way across camp back to my cabin, it was dark and peaceful. Few people were out and about. I was praying, and all of a sudden it hit me; I don't need this person to make my life easier, I don't need to get this done, I need Jesus. 
I'd been so depending on other people and things for my happiness and strength, I'd forgotten where my true strength lies, and that ended in a good deal of stress for me for a little while until I finally realized that I couldn't do it, not by myself, not with other people, but with Jesus. Only with Jesus.

No matter where I am in life, no matter how much stress I'm under, no matter who is with me, no matter who leaves me, just give me Jesus.

"In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
Give me Jesus

 

Give me Jesus, give me Jesus
You can have all this world
But give me Jesus

 

And when I am alone
Oh and when I am alone
And when I am alone
Give me Jesus

 

Give me Jesus, give me Jesus
You can have all this world
But give me Jesus

 

And when I come to die
Oh and when I come to die
And when I come to die
Give me Jesus

 

Give me Jesus, give me Jesus
You can have all this world
You can have all this world
You can have all this world
But give me Jesus" 

~KayK

How wonderful you are...

How majestic are your works my God,

I can not contain my love for you!

My sould is weary, my heart is torn. I don't know where to go.

Yet secretly my heart knows where it lies,

It lies with you, Oh my Lord.

How can my heart contain its joy?

How can my heart move on to another?

I love thee Oh Lord, I long to sing your every praise.

My God, my God how wonderful you are to love a sinner such as I.
~KayK

I.Don't.Know.

I don’t know why God didn’t make me a year older; I don’t know why all of my friends are older than I; I don’t know why I constantly feel as if I am in a “waiting period “of life; I don’t know why I can’t just drive yet; I don’t know why I can’t just be on staff at camp already.

I don’t understand any of the above, I don’t know the answers.  I’ve already said that a lot (“I don’t know”) haven’t I? Sometimes I feel like I go through life using that phrase over and over again. 

I.Don’t.Know.

But you know what? I’m learning to be okay with that. I am a planer; I like to know when things are happening and how they are happening. I don’t like not knowing things, it bothers me. I over analyze things, I think them over and over, trying to go over every scenario and what would be the best way of handling that situation. And when I don’t know things, when I can’t figure out the best way of handling things, it puts me on edge.

There are a lot of things in life that I don’t know about. If I knew everything, why would there be a need to trust God?  I don’t know about all yall, but I often find myself falling into a trap of not trusting God and his timing. It’s hard; I will be the first to admit that. Trusting God means giving him our life, it’s complete surrender. Which to me is sometimes a scary thought, I can be bad with trusting others. Slowly but surely, God is showing me how to trust him more. I’m not sure where you are at in trusting God in your life, but take courage. The same one who created you, loves you beyond measure, and knows exactly what’s best for you and why he put you in this certain stage of life. No matter how hard it may seem at the moment; keep on keeping on, and keep on trusting God.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5) 

~KayK 

Homeschooling Pride.

If you know me, or read my blog post, its no secret that I'm home schooled.
Homeschooling, is the basically the best(but I guess I'm slightly biased.) I know its not for everyone, but it certainly has helped me along in life in more ways than I can probably count. I always get a lot of questions when people find out I'm home schooled, so I thought I write about it a little. School takes me about 4-5 hours a day, as opposed to the 7ish that public schools have, I also don't have homework, (Haha, I know what you're thinking, all of my school is "homework" :) so I only spend about half my day on school. The other part of my day is spread out through doing things, generally spending time with siblings is on the list. (Yes, I love hanging out with my siblings) I normally have some sort of craft or something I'm working on to do, (Currently, I'm making a Bull Whip out of para cord.) I like spending time outside after school, knife throwing is a fun time passer. I obviously ride horses, but that only happens once a week or so.
Being home-schooled also allows me to spend time with my family, I am with my mom and sisters almost all day and wouldn't want it any other way.
Yes, I do have friends.
Yes, I do school in my pajamas.
Yes, I eat snacks while I do Algebra.
No, I don't live under a rock.
No, being home-schooled doesn't make me super smart, or super dumb, for that matter.
My Mom taught us a lot with real life experiences, we've gone grocery shopping and running errands with her for as long as I can remember, she was always able to find valuable life lessons no matter where we went or what we did. We never did have a great schedule, it wasn't all "get up at this time and get this and this done then do this and that." but rather, "We can go play at the park if you get your school done" Which, by the way was awesome. I can't imagine my life any other way, nor would I want my life to change in anyway. My mom has invested a lot into all of us kids, loving us and teaching us all she can about not only Math and reading, but God and life.
So, there's a peak into my life, though crazy at times and boring others, I couldn't be more thankful.
~KayK

To You I give my Life...

It seems as if once you reach a certain age or grade (what it is? I'm not sure, sometime around high school.) You begin to get asked again and again, "What next?" You ask yourself that, your parents ask you that, church friends ask it, even strangers ask it when they find out you're in high school. For a long while, I hated that question, because it meant I had to admit that I planed on graduating a year early, some people find this wonderful and fascinating, others think its odd and not very useful. I mean, don't grow up too fast right? I am sure that when I am older, I'll understand that statement more, but as a teenager trying to figure out what to do with life, its not very encouraging. In some scenarios I'm being told "don't grow up too fast" stay young, enjoy being young. On the other hand, I feel the whole world is telling me "You need to know what you're doing with your life, you need to have a plan, go to collage." I consider myself blessed and lucky that I feel I know what I want to do with my life, and also what I believe Gods will for my life is. Once I graduate (hopefully) next year, I want to take classes at the community collage and try and work full time. And in a couple years I want to go out west and find ranch work. Yes, I am probably crazy, No, I don't plan on attending a university or staying in a dorm room, No, I don't think I am missing out. I know my life plan is different than most, but I am quite determined. I have prayed about this, and I know plans can change, If God wills them too. I am trusting him. I feel that ranching is what I was made to do.
So. if you're a high school student still trying to figure out what to do with life, don't stress, pray and pray and pray some more. Seek Gods will, and try to be patient with people when they ask you serious questions about your future.
"To you I give my life, not just the parts I want to
To you I sacrifice these dreams that I hold on to

Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here's my life" (No sacrifice, by Jason Upton)
~KayK

Horses and bad days.

Soooo...... last time a rode a horse (unfortunately) was two weeks ago.

It was, beyond any doubt, one of the worst rides I have had in my five years of riding. It.Was.Awful. 

Allow me to explain a little:

There were several reasons as to why this was such a horrible ride. 

1) Winsome ("My horse") hadn't been ridden in a couple weeks. He was "out of practice", he was lazy. 

2) I, hadn't ridden in a while. Just like anything else, if you stop doing it for a while, it is a little harder to jump right back in the saddle. 

3) It was the first day that was warm enough and dry enough to actually work the horses, rather than just walking, we actually trotted and *attempted* to canter.(which, I might add, the horses were not happy with working harder than they have for the past four months.) 

All of that adds up to a pretty bad day. 

We were out in the back of the property, and decided to do a little bit of cantering. We were not in a ring, so it was naturally harder to keep the horse where I wanted him. 

Horses have a homing instinct, which, can sometimes be a good thing, but at this particular time the only reason Winsome wanted to head back to the barn was because that meant that he would be done working. (some of you may be surprised how smart these animals really are) so while we would try to canter a circle, as soon as we would hit the Southeast corner of the circle, he would start his stupid little game and veer to the left, (towards the barn) We wrestled for an hour and a half, trying to canter the circle, then trotting, then just walking, then doing smaller circles, and a number of other things to make sure he knew that I was in control, so to speak. I can't even put into words the frustration I was feeling, not to mention the screaming protest my legs were making every time I had to use even more muscle to push this horse over (which was about every two minuets.) Everything in my body hurt, even my upper body from keeping his head in place. My emotions were all over the place, and I'm actually pretty surprised I made it through the ride without screaming or crying or both. This horse was testing my every being. 

What was worse, was that I had to be somewhere, so I didn't have the time I felt I need to work this horse. (though, one would think an hour and a half would have been plenty.) So I ended on a good enough note, he did indeed canter, (Hurrah!) but we still were not able to do it in a nice circle. 

I'm not sure who all exactly reads my blog posts, but I'm going to assume that not everyone is a "horse person" "cowboy" "equine enthusiast" whatever you may call my breed of people. You may or may not be surprised to read that riding can be such an emotional and physical battle sometimes. Just know, riding can be hard. We don't just jump on a horse and ride. Not all of us "cowgirls" wear pink and sparkly hats and boots, and we sure as heck work hard.

Why do I say all of the above? I think to encourage, This was an awful day, but I made it through. I did it. I haven't ridden since, due to being out of state, I don't know how next time will go. but after that ride, after all that hardship, I still love horses,and I still want to pursue Ranching as a living. and I am stronger because of that day, I learned a little more about horses and myself. 

So, whatever you're going through, whether it be a bad day, bad month, or even a bad year, stay strong in Christ, and remember that you will come out stronger. 

"Count it all as joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness, And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-4) 

~KayK 

I hold you in my heart....

Sometimes putting my thoughts into words is quite hard. So, I'm not sure how this will turn out, but here it goes...
Missing someone is pretty awful, to be quite honest. Having people you hold so dear in your heart be so far away is sometimes so hard to bear.
Thank the Lord for phones, to be able to call and text (snapchat is pretty cool too:) said people, but sometimes it just isn't enough.
 It feels as if over time the memories just become dreams, and that's what you're left with, dreams. Wonderful, sweet dreams, but it all just feels so distant, so long ago. In a way I guess it was a long time ago, time is such an odd thing....
Lets just think about this for a moment though, If we never missed anyone, that would basically mean that we would always be able to see anyone you loved all the time, don't get me wrong, there are days where that sounds wonderful, but not missing anyone would also confine us in our world of friends, we wouldn't be able to branch out much, because we would have to stay where all our family and friends are. Which, to some I suppose may still sound beautiful, but where would the fun be? where would the adventure be? I love making new friends, for real. Especially when they turn out to be forever friends...
"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. It is right for me to feel this way about you all, because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace, both in my imprisonment and in defense and confirmation of the gospel. For God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus, And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment,  so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God." (Phil. 1:3-11)
That's a lot of verses, I know, but who could choose just one out of those?
~KayK

Camp Sweet Camp....

So, there's this place.... Huron Forest Camp CedarRidge.
I have been spending at least a week in the Huron forest since I was 6. This summer, I spent almost two months there. A good portion of my life revolves around camp, and camp friends....
There are so many great things about camp, I hope to touch on just a few.

~God...
God is at the center of everything at camp, whether learning how to shoot Archery, or doing drama class, Christ is the center. I never feel as close to God as I do at camp.
~Friends...
I can't even imagine my life without my camp friends. Friendships made there are long lasting, no matter who you are, what kind of things you like to do, you will find forever friends at camp.
~Beauty....
Being in the heart of the Huron National forest, Gods creation is shown everywhere. There is just something about being surrounded by Gods beauty that does something great for the soul.
~Staff..
Guys, seriously. The staff are basically the best. I think I can safely say after spending so much time with them this summer, I know most of them pretty well, and I can think of few greater people. They strive to serve God, and to help campers do just that same thing.
~Team Elijah...
Team Elijah is a high school work crew, something I spent 5 weeks doing this year. Its volunteer, we do everything from washing dishes to mucking horse stalls to building benches. It teaches you how to have a servants heart. I love TE (team elijah) You grow so close you your other team members, and learn so much about our awesome creator

If your interested in signing up for a week of camp, look into staffing, or volunteering a week on TE. (which will be the best week of your life) here's the camp website link!

www.campcedarridge.org

Did I mention we have horses?!?!

Wacky Hair Wednesday!

Team Elijah Strong.

Proof that we do really awesome things on TE like build benches!

~KayK

My Dearest little sister.....

My little sister, Chloe, is turning 10 in about a week.
This little girl makes my life ten times better, I can't even put into words how much I love her.
I keep having theses "big sister moments" (She is my only little sister, so I have never experienced such moments until now.) moments, when I look at her and no longer see my "little" sister, but rather a growing young woman. Talk about scary. Small things, like seeing her for the first time with a french braid, or with pierced ears, make me realize how fast my baby sister is growing. 
Some may find little siblings just plan anoying, I used to feel the same way, still do sometimes, but somwhere along the way I realized how much I really do enjoy "playing" with her, whether it be her just sitting on my lap and tickling each other, playing checkers, having late night talks with her (we share a room.) seriously guys, she is the best.

Happy Birthday, little sister.
~KayK 

For the Dreamers....

For the past two weeks, I have been trying to find the right words for a blog post on dreams, finding those very words is proving to be quite difficult. 

I believe God gives us dreams, desires, longings to do something with our time on earth. I also believe very few make their dreams come true, I feel that it is instilled as us a human beings to pursue something, anything. Our life is made of looking forward, whether it be planing out years, or simply trying to get your week planed, we dream all the time. 

Putting aside all practicality, if you could fulfill any dream, what would it be? where would you go? what would you do? 

I have been told over and over again that my dream is simply all in my head, my dream is not possible. I am here to tell you that dreams are possible, that they can happen. Don't give up on your dreams, whether you are 8 or 82, keep dreaming, keep working towards you goals.

That brings me to something else. Working. Dreams take work, some, more than others. Yet you can't sit around waiting for you dream to come knocking at your door, I am very much sorry to say. Pray about it, if you believe that it is something God wants you to do, go after it, do it, work for it, prove people wrong. 

One more topic, Pray. we must be careful, and always go to God before anyone else. I caution you, follow your dreams, but be sure that they are God-centered dreams. 

"With God, all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26) 

~KayK

Precious gifts of God.

I have had the wonderful opportunity to be a part of something called Kids Club. 

A group of three or four of followers of Jesus go into a public school once a week and spend an hour teaching the kids about Jesus and what he did for them, along with singing songs, playing games, and building friendships. 

Even though we have only done it about three times, being a helper at kids club is changing my life. Seeing these precious little faces light up when we talk about The Creator, seeing the eagerness in their eyes, craving to learn more about this God and Jesus we talk about, its all so amazing, God is doing great things. Some of them are just so excited about it all, about singing the songs and doing the motions to the memory verse, and when my sister stands up to give a lesson, and asks questions, there are always at least 10 kids who raise their hand, jumping up and down saying "I know! I know the answer!" I am growing to love each and every one of the children. It also all gets me thinking, 

Kids grow up. Kids become adults. What are we teaching our kids in America? are we helping to build them up, or simply tell them "your too little, you will understand when your older." or "Your too little, you can't do that." I know that there is a time and place for such phrases, but how often to you say that to a child because its easier than taking time out of our day to help them understand or do something? If they won't know until they grow up, how are they expected to know what to do when they grow up? Listen to what kids have to say, it may surprise you. Show them Jesus love, so that they might grow to be God fearing adults. 

"but Jesus said, "let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 19:14

~KayK